Itching the Self Astray

Scabies Infestation and Abjection of the Skin

Text by Tyler Mcamley

Images by Alžbeta Szabová

On a daily basis, we are confronted with our own skin. Though on the surface we may become desensitised to its appearance, if our eyes linger too long, we begin to spot pores, acne, wrinkles, or dryness that can bring a sense of disgust, even self-loathing. They exemplify the skin’s abject nature, which often fades into the background of everyday life. This hidden abjection may be revealed in violent ways. The skin can be plagued by grave conditions that bring this abjection to the fore, through terrifying symptoms that not only unveil how disgusting the skin can be, but make it impossible to ignore. Among these conditions, scabies is an unforgiving infestation that triggers the abjection of the skin. Caused by tiny parasitic mites that burrow beneath the skin’s surface and lay eggs, scabies creates not just physical symptoms but a psychological invasion as well.  To understand how abjection relates to the skin and scabies as a prime case study, we must first explore existing theories on abjection and skin philosophy. 

Julia Kristeva describes the abject as “…something rejected from which one does not part, from which one does not protect oneself as from an object.” It requires rejecting or separating something as the Other (which Kristeva dubs as “primal repression”), with this Other being inseparable from us despite our aim to reject it. How does this impact self-perception? According to Kristeva, “The one by whom the abject exists is thus a deject who places (himself), separates (himself), situates (himself), and therefore strays instead of getting his bearings, desiring, belonging, or refusing.” If the Other, or the abject, exists within you, the loathing and disgust accompanying the abject also begin to be directed at yourself, leading your sense of Self astray. Kristeva personifies this abjection as a type of alter ego, as if it were a devil on your shoulder. 

The skin, like the abject, represents a breakdown between the Self and the Other that displaces the Self. Arthur F. Bentley establishes the skin as a connector, rather than a separator. Similarly, Jean-Luc Nancy argues that the skin is “a site of passage, transit and transport, traffic and transaction.” As a result of this permeability, the skin serves as a window to the outside world. Ali Shobeiri relates the skin to the Earth’s surface, describing it in terms of its liminality. Similar to the landscape, the skin is a boundary residing on both the internal and external plains, making it the main actor in the inner-outer dynamics of absorbing and releasing into the environment. These authors all theorise the skin as a “porous boundary,” meaning it is the arbiter of passage between the Inside and Outside. Just like how the abject lets the Other be part of the Self, the skin lets the Outside be part of the Inside. 

Finally, French psychoanalyst Didier Anzieu brought forth the concept of “Skin-ego,” by which the skin is crucial for constructing a sense of self. He claimed that similar to how the skin wraps around the body, containing the organs, the “bodily ego” wraps around the “psychical ego” in a “narcissistic wrapping” that secures the “psychical apparatus.” In this way, the skin serves as both container and tool for our inner psyche, becoming essential to how we imagine ourselves and develop our sense of self. Therein lies the ultimate link between the skin and abjection: If the skin is an important aspect of the Self, the abjection of the skin as a result of its porous boundary undermines this self-perception. Scabies exemplifies this process, bringing to light the skin’s abjection in a way that effectively leads the Self astray. 

Taking several passages from the subreddit thread r/scabies, we can unpack on a small scale how living with scabies has deteriorated the Self. Behind each post is an individual being overcome by the Outside, exhausted by the presence of this Other “alter ego” of scabies symptoms. Each scratch of the skin swallows the individual into a spiral of self-rejection. As “dejects” or “strays,” they may feel alone or desperate, turning to the online community of this subreddit page to receive advice or discuss with others going through the same experience.

“I first started having itching around my waist and hips for a couple of weeks, then one night it was horribly intense. I noticed a burrow mark on the side of my hand and immediately treated… about two weeks go by and my skin starts going nuts. Suddenly my hands are insanely itchy in the morning… and I’ve got small white lumps coming up on my fingers and on the back of my hands. I start noticing what I think are new burrows and I treated again…”

“This [has] been going on for a month now, and it’s just making me absolutely miserable”

“I am still feeling prickles and bugs crawl on me after my two doses of ivermectin… It’s disgusting seeing all these black specs on my hands. I am embarrassed and so upset… What are these rashes/bumps on my arm? Please help.”

Words and phrases such as “horribly,” “miserable,” “upset,” and “Please help” exemplify this sense of helplessness as a consequence of scabies symptoms, demonstrating the destabilised nature of the victims. Additionally, the word “embarrassed” reveals how abjection of the skin and Self impacts how the victim interacts with others. The individual behind this post may be 

apprehensive about sharing their experience outside of an anonymous online forum, afraid that others will perceive them just as abject-ly as they perceive themselves. Living with scabies symptoms thus brings to light the abjection of the skin, which breaks down the Inside-Outside boundary in a way that renders the victim bewildered and afraid. 

“I won’t let anyone touch me because I’m terrified of recontracting scabies. I’m a shell of my former self and I don’t know what to do… I can’t even talk to anyone about it because I’m so embarrassed about it. Before all this I was such a happy and confident person” 

“...I just feel dirty or like less human… I’m petrified of giving my friends or family it”

“One of the worst parts of scabies is how long it takes to feel confident that it’s over. There are weird skin reactions, or residual eczema, sensitivities, and sometimes bacterial problems… It was a long, slow process of wondering, daily, if I was actually okay, having a tube of Permethrin in my hand and talking myself out of overtreating one day at a time”

Under the r/scabies page, there are several posts concerning the “post scabies syndrome.” In this, the individual has theoretically completed their scabies treatment, yet is still

experiencing symptoms of the scabies infestation. Though itching post-treatment is normal, the extent of this post-treatment itching and other side effects from treatment seems to vary from person to person. As a result, a sombre cloud of uncertainty and dread lingers over the victim, who is unsure when it is best to newly repress the abject. As detailed in the third passage, it is a time-consuming process to even be capable of reaching the same level of primal repression of the skin’s abject nature as in the pre-scabies period; it is a long road to feeling “confident that it’s over.”  

In these three passages, the process of Self-abjection has reached a level where the Outside not only occupies part of the Inside, but is in an all-out war to overtake it completely, making the victim more Other than Self. Experiencing scabies for a long period of time, losing hope that it will ever disappear, paranoid about each irregular spot or itch on the skin, trains the victim to see the skin in solely its abject elements. Yet, as the skin is pivotal for self-conception, if the skin is seen as strictly abject, this leads an individual to wander further and further astray regarding to their sense of Self. This can explain the comments about feeling “dirty,” “less human,” and “a shell of my former self.” In the first passage, the Reddit user even distinguishes between a Self pre-scabies and a Self post-scabies. 

These only served as a few examples of the scabies experience, but could open avenues to more research linking abjection and the skin, revealing how self-conception “strays” in light of this. Despite the arduous process it entails, there is still hope of overcoming this infestation. The Self may be led astray, and the skin may become abject before our eyes, yet this will not last forever. With the right treatment, the skin will repair, and the Self will find its prominent place again. To all individuals suffering from such an intense self-abjection, do not give up hope. It will get better. Through experiencing and overcoming bodily abjection, we may gain deeper insight into the complex relationship between our physical being and our evolving conception of who we are.